So, is there room in marriages to explore BDSM? Can couples share and play with others? Can one explore BDSM and be faithful? What if a couple goes to a BDSM gathering…naked bodies but only with your spouse?
Thoughts?
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I don’t think there are any limits on what a secure loving couple can try to exlore. The further from the normal completely monogamous relationship you get, the higher the risk. Someone who thinks it was a good idea at the time, could well change their mind.
If the couple are open and honest with each other about what they are doing and why and secure in the knowledge that no matter how they play, they will always be devoted and committed to each other, then there are only the rules they choose to impose on themselves.
If they are not open and honest and confident that their relationship is always going to be the most important thing, then the risk of disaster is very high.
As usual, for me the devil is in the meanings of words. What does, “be faithful” mean? An old Cole Porter song had the lady singing it declare that she’ll “always be true . . . In her fashion.” If both parties in the relationship find this satisfactory, it’s no one else’s business. A problem that I can see and lived with was what happens when both parties fully live with the “contract” they based their relationship on and then one party grows in a different direction and/or at a different speed and the parties go out of sync. Generally, my experience is that if a couple begins experimenting with new sexual experiences, separate from each other, it says that the relationship is already in trouble. Again in my experience, even if the couple are swinging together in the same room they are having experiences separate from each other. It puts the relationship at risk.
I don’t think any of the risks are innate to the situation. In a more rational and natural culture demands like monogamy wouldn’t be an issue. This perversion puts incredible stresses on people. The divorce rate in countries that have freed women from the slavery tradional cultures place them in shows very clearly, at least to me, that “being faithful” is not a commonly agreed upon state and has no commonly understood meaning.